Not my will, but Yours, be done.

I am, by nature, a planner. Unlike my fly-by-the-seat-of-his-pants husband, whose spontaneity I love and admire, I like to know what is coming next. I try to orchestrate everything; I am all about safety, security, and contingency plans. I like to think I'm in control. As the completion of graduate school looms ever closer for Aaron and me, and we find ourselves spending any precious moments of free time reviewing job postings and perusing homes for sale in multiple states, I find myself struggling again with this sinful tendency of mine. Instead of trusting fully in God and His plans for our lives, I try to map it all out, to push my own agenda. As pastor Mark Driscoll has put it, I sometimes pray to move God, instead of praying for God to move me.

How arrogant am I, to think even for a moment that anything I can imagine could be better than what God has in mind? How do I even dare to take away from His sovereignty? Time and time again, God has made clear to me, both through His word and the ways in which He has directed my steps in the past, that He possesses the blueprints for my life, and they're brilliant beyond belief. (If you want to hear an incredible example, just ask me about how Aaron and I ended up in Albuquerque a few years ago.)

"Before I formed you in the womb I knew you..." (Jeremiah 1:5)

"The very hairs of your head are all numbered." (Matthew 10:30)

"This is what the Lord says, your Reedemer, who formed you in the womb: I am the Lord, who has made all things, who alone stretched out the heavens, who spread out the earth by myself." (Isaiah 44:24)

"Truly I have spoken; truly I will bring it to pass. I have planned it; surely I will do it." (Isaiah 46:11)

"As you do not know the path of the wind, or how the body is formed in a mother's womb, so you cannot understand the work of God, the Maker of all things." (Ecclesiastes 11:5)

"We [have been] predestined according to His purpose who works all things after the counsel of His will." (Ephesians 1:11)

"'For I know the plans I have for you,' declares the Lord, 'plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future.'" (Jeremiah 29:11)

"And we know that God causes all things to work together for good to those who love God, to those who are called according to His purpose." (Romans 8:28)

My prayer is that the Holy Spirit will continue changing my heart, transforming my will to match God's. I pray that I'll learn not only to hear, but also to acccept, His will for my life. I want to sincerely pray like Jesus did the night of the Lord's supper, just before his crucifixion, when he pleaded, "Not My will, but Yours, be done." (Matthew 26:42)